Episode 216: F-Zero X

Who's that racing round at the speed of sound? A certain blue animal?  That's right, it's Captain Falcon in the Blue Falcon! Join us in the year 23xx and hop on some ridiculous future tracks.  Choose from 30 different racers, who apparently have distinct abilities and strap in. Crank up the volume and start racing at ridiculous speeds to some sweet tunes.

Episode 188: Now Bikes Think They're Philosophizers [Enduro Racer]

Nothing is a metaphor for life quite the way racing over various obstacles within time limits is -- apparently.  Wheelie over jumps, dodge rocks, and pass other racers in your frantic attempt to make it to the finish line before there's no time left to try.  This is an experience that can only leave you thinking "Yay bikes".

Downloads are a metaphor for sound-noises.

Next time on Last Time, Golden Sun!

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Episode 183: Sick Turns on Rainbow Road [Mario Kart 64]

Nothing says "family friendly racing" like driving down a highway at rush hour while lobbing projectiles at your unwary friends!  Now with 80% less eye bleeding, Mario Kart is back.  In addition to slightly better racing, battle stages add some variety to the mix by allowing to do what you really want in a racing game: duke it out in an arena with some bananas.  Karting just got serious!

Seeking its way onto your computer like a red shell.

Show Notes

(07:00) Yugioh Duel Links has mediocre net play, but you can make silly decks!

(10:00) Maiden with Eyes of Blue and Azure-Eyes Silver Dragon

(11:10) The sweet opening to Attack on Titan if you, like Geremy, are one of the 5 people who havn’t seen it. Also, spoilers until 11:45

(19:30) New additions to the series that started with Mario Kart 64

(24:30) Zach talks about some of his favorite courses in another racing game, Shift.

(26:20) Time Trials and Shortcuts.

(31:50) Will this game make the podium?!

Next time on Last Time, Flying Dragon: The Secret Scroll!

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Episode 148: Ground Breaking Water Sports [Wave Race 64]

In a shocking turn of events, Geremy died and is not on this episode. Don't worry, though, because while the rest of us are riding the waves and making awesome slalom runs, our best hobomancing WIZARD is hard at work crafting a resurrection spell. Sadly, we need a couple diamonds, which might take a few weeks to gather. Find out whether this game can be used as part of the price!

Lean into it to make the download go faster!

Next time on Last Time, Gargoyle's Quest!

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Episode 123: Snowbroding [1080° Snowboarding]

Sick tricks pick up the chicks, brodawg! Even if that's not your preference; if that's the case, avoid doing tricks, I guess? Get ready for intense downhill racing, oddly specific landing timing, and a mechanic that really makes more sense in F-Zero than it does here. I suppose breaking your leg would usually end a snowboard race, though. At any rate, this game lives fondly in the memories of people who had N64s as kids, so let's see how it holds up!

Indie noseload!

Show Notes

(02:30) Alex and Tyler did an escape room.  It was fun!

(18:00) JRPG combat mechanic tweaks.

(22:00) Battletech Kickstarter!

(25:00) Geremy's thoughts on Persona 3's last segment.

(30:00) 1080 degrees of spinning!  Also, you can die n' stuff while snowboard which kinda sucks.

(37:00) This game's hook is tricks.  They're surprisingly lame.

(41:00) Some analysis of this game's impact and final thoughts.

(44:00) Ranking this game!

Next time on Last Time, Ristar!

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Episode 102: When Are We Going To Get Crazy Uber? [Crazy Taxi]

Get ready for some craaaazy fares!  Seriously, these people will pay ridiculous amounts for 30 seconds of driving.  Of course, at the speeds you're going, it'd likely take them at least 15 minutes to walk there.  So, the question become whether $50 is worth 15 minutes of their time.  Though, if they're letting these homicidal drivers take them anywhere, probably not, so... poor impulse control?

You only have 10 seconds to get to our next download!

Show Notes

(05:00) Civ V adventures!

(15:00) Reassembly!  Turns out that tactical nuke Tyler wanted exists in one of the factions.

(18:00) Into the Gloom is an ambient horror survival; it's aesthetically similar to Dare to Dream.

(19:15) Steam allows people to watch you play.  So, like Twitch, but with fewer people.

(21:00) Everyone is John sound hilariously amusing.

(27:00) After defaulting on your loans, you should Bravely Second.

(33:00) So... Crazy Taxi.  It's definitely got controls.  We proclaim it "fairly amusing".

(41:00) Back to rankings!

Next time on Last Time, Kirby's Dream Land!  Sadly, it doesn't suck.

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Episode 95: No, Speed, You Must Not Race in This Race, This Race is Much Too Dangerous! [Super Mario Kart]

Man, Payday 2 is an awesome game.  Oh.  The episode?  Well, come on a super racing adventure that lacks the most iconic item of the franchise!  That's right, we're doing Star Wars Episode 1: Racer, the game that had no podracers!  Not buying it?  Fine, it's Mario Kart.  It made our collective eye bits hurt.

Download: blueshelled!

Show Notes

(00:10) For those who didn't get the title reference.

(01:30) Flintstones!  We discuss some movie ideas.

(06:00) Old Hitler is an actual shark.

(07:30) That hentai-ish game we mentioned is Nekopara.  Tell us how it is if you played it.

(11:00) Civ 5, guys!  We know you've all been playing it forever, but it's fun!  The AI's logic is a bit confusing at times, though.

(16:30) Mario Kart's DLC, while a bit pricey, is fun.  The track for this game is pretty great.

(23:00) Payday 2's Overkill Software let Lion Game Lion develop their new DLCs.

(29:00) Zach's tale of Microsoft not being a bag of suck for once.

(38:00) Indonesia has a word for a third gender that roughly translates to "lady boy".

(43:00) That Getter Robo sure is a combining robot of some sort.  Also, Geremy has so much stuff going that he's now got a gaming schedule.

(46:00) Bravely Default, you're such a Dracula.

(50:00) Our discussion about Mario Kart!

Next time on Last Time, Star Wars: Dark Forces!  Set your blasters to brain drain.

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Episode 67: Cool Boat, Bros [Hydro Thunder]

We return with another arcade racing favorite, this one being of substantially higher quality than the last! Splash through crazy courses - some of which really shouldn't have water running through them - and boost your way to victory over hidden shortcuts. It's vaguely futuristic and implausible boat fun!

Download this episode: now with hover jets!

Next time on Last Time, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past!

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Episode 64: We Were Wrong. We Were So Wrong! Don't Listen! [Cruisin' USA]

I think this might actually be the first nostalgia bomb for 2/3 of the podcast.  Sweet racing... cars...  umm... other things.  This game had all those other things.  Sadly, it did not live up to our expectations.  Come crash in sweet 720 spins with us as we slog through Cruisin'.

Even if you miss our download, it might rubberband back and let you get it anyway.

(02:20) For those unfamiliar, the legend on John Henry.

(08:00) Exclusives, and whether the Wii was a critical flop.

(11:15) The PS2 had 3870 games, compared to the current stock of 1120 XBox 360 games, 920 of which are cross-platform.

(13:00) Zach's League adventures.

(16:30) Zach finally got FTL and talks about it.  We talk about some strategies for a bit.

(28:00) Geremy talks about the subject of his new column, comparing the original Super Sentai shows that Power Rangers bought footage from.  Inspiration: Ranger Danger!

(33:30) Okami: great, but poorly paced.

(35:00) Mana Khemia is pretty sweet, and you can use almost all of your characters.

(35:50) Shattered Horizon is a pretty cool game, though suffers from some multiplayer map issues.  Zach levies criticism compared to Battlefield 1942.

(43:00) Cruisin'!  It's...  Wow.  Pretty awful.  Potato quality graphics, horrible music and sound, no feedback, sloppy controls.

Next time on Last Time, Fantasy Zone!

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Episode 40: Gotta Go Fast [Mach Rider]

Now that we're back into it, let's speed things up!  In a dystopian future, there really ought to be more mutants or something.  At least there are oil spills everywhere.  Zoom!

Don't come up on this download from behind... it might explode!

(01:00) Everyone now plays League of Legends.  Except Tyler.  Mann vs. Machine exists, still!

(03:00) Arkham City was pretty good.  "Koreanism."  What a twist!

(09:00) Heroes of Might and Magic is a pretty cool series.  Risk of Rain, guys!

(11:00) Starwhal: Just the Tip is every bit as amusing as a game about celestial narwhals stabbing each other with their lightsaber horns ought to be.  Antichamber is confusing, but amusing.  Myst is used to be good?

(15:30) Tyler's Minecraft server (currently vanilla) is at!  Let me know if you want to join and I'll add you to the whitelist.

(17:00) Brawl n' Fortune Street: a dangerous combination.  Arkham Origins is apparently not as good as the others, but still fun.

(21:00) Special Beam I can't pronounce that!  Pretty sweet board games.

(26:00) Kagome!

(26:30) Since half of our listeners played it with us, I'll just say this: Prepare to fire!

(35:00) Mach Rider!  Not the same thing...

(41:00) Hi, I'm Batman!

Next time on Last Time, Life Force!

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Last Rant on Videogames: Burn Into Glory

Despite what my compatriots may say about the matter, I enjoy racing games.  I've always gotten a lot of enjoyment out of them, especially when they feed my compulsion to fully complete a game by giving me plenty of unlockables.  My first exposure to the genre, other than F-Zero and Super Mario Kart, was Cruisin' USA.  It's a bit clunky by today's standards, but the old arcade cabinets with pedals and gear shifters were, and still are, incredibly fun.  Enough so, in fact, that one of my first N64 games was Cruisin'.

However, as the tone was set by these more arcade-styled games, I grew to substantially prefer such games to the arguably more realistic racers.  I'm still a fan of Mario Kart in its many incarnations, and the most realistic one I've played for longer than a few hours is NFS: Most Wanted.

There is one of these games, in particular, that I have gotten way more use out of than I think the developers anticipated.  I think they hoped for it, though.  That game is Burnout 3: Takedown.  If you watched that video just now, that's a pretty good portrayal of the game.

Basically, you race and brawl across various routes that are geographically themed.  The twist here, as most racing games seem to have one, is that you can cause your opponents to wreck.  Gloriously.  The game rewards you heavily for it, too.  In order to reach top speed in any vehicle, you need boost.  You get it by taking risks while driving.  Driving into oncoming traffic? Boost!  Almost hitting a civilian? Boost!  Driving like an aggressive asshole behind your opponent? Boost!

You might begin to see a theme.

It's a ton of fun, puts you right back in the action when you crash, offers several game modes that capitalize on the chaotic mayhem inherent in the game's engine, and has hours of content.  If you like driving really fast, crashing, and seeing massive wrecks caused by your own hand, you'll love this game.  It also has a pretty killer soundtrack of high energy songs to fuel your rampages.  The one I mentioned 2 weeks ago is one I was introduced to by this game.

As I mentioned last week, though I got a new computer.  I also picked up the Ubisoft Humble Bundle.  One of the games in it was a sequel to this, my favorite of all racing games.  I'm talking about Burnout: Paradise.

Take everything (well, almost everything, but I'll get to that) I just said about Burnout 3.  Imagine it in a large, sprawling city similar to L.A. or Hollywood.  Big highway overpasses, crowded urban areas, a mountainous area surprisingly devoid of population.  Toss in a couple of abandoned areas full of debris for flavor and things to jump off of.  Then, imagine you can drive around this city at will, exploring its nooks and crannies, learning the shortcuts, finding all the hidden goodies.  Then, add races and road rages similar in style to the original at every intersection.  It brings a tear to my eye.

I've heard a lot of negativity about this game, but at the low price of about $4 (the average of what I paid for all the games in the aforementioned bundle), I could take the risk.

Not only was I not disappointed, I was quite pleasantly surprised.

It's a damned solid game.  It helps me scratch my exploration itch by making sure there's plenty of collectibles to find in the city, and it incentivizes learning the terrain so that you can more ably cream your foes.

There are also several types of boost collection in this game.  The old style from Burnout 3 is called aggression; you gain some boost by taking risks, but a huge amount and a higher max from taking down an opponent.  Stunt gives you more for, unsurprisingly, doing stunts; jumping off of stuff, awesome spins, and crazy drifts all count towards your total in this category.  Speed is the trickiest.  You have a shortish bar that fills doing any of the normal crazy stuff you would only do in a videogame.  Once you get it full, you must use it all or be forced to fill it again.  If you manage this feat, you have accomplished what the game calls a Burnout.  If you've filled your gauge while doing this, you get to keep boosting and can chain these together.  On vehicles that have this, you often do really well until that one tight turn.

One of the new, at least to me, ways to play is in a stunt mode.  Cars with stunt boost, obviously, excel at this type of event.  You have to accrue some number of points by engaging in reckless driving.  Certain activities, like ruining one of the game's billboards or staying airborne for long periods of time, add multipliers to your current run, which lasts until you crash or do nothing interesting for a while.  I mentioned a bit ago that there are abandoned areas full of debris.  One such spot is reminiscent of an old air yard and has some suspended cement tubes you can do flying barrel rolls through.  It's pretty sweet.

In addition to a small army of secret places to find and billboards to smash, you also unlock new cars.  The method of doing so is, thus far, twofold.  One is to upgrade your license, which is accomplished by just beating a certain number of unique events.  The other happens when you finish certain events.  You are informed that a rival in the new car will be driving around town.  Occasionally, the AI will deem you worthy to see them.  What then?  What else?  You take them down and drive off with their wreck.

There are, I think, about 35 cars you get in these manners.  Almost all of them also have unlockable upgraded forms that can only be achieved by finishing a solo race in that car.  It's enough to make my inner completionist twitch compulsively.

The game does have a few downsides.  The largest of them is that the ability to restart a race, while extant, is so obscured that it almost might as well not exist.  Additionally, the soundtrack is a bit lacking compared to its predecessor.  They did add a handful of classical tracks, though, which are fun to burn to.  If you don't like the music (I'm starting to get sick of it after about 15 hours or so), you can always turn it off and play something else.  It's a pain, but at least it's an option.

So, would I recommend this game?  Yes.  Very.  Also Burnout 3, but they're very similar.  We've mentioned a few times recently in our sequel binging that if you aren't done with a game yet, even though the game has finished, you might just go play a sequel.  This definitely falls into that category, but I would claim Paradise as the superior model.  Also, it's a bit old now, so it's fairly cheap even when it's not in a Humble Bundle, and available on a variety of platforms.

Keep burnin'!

Episode 18: Finishing Faster than the Obligatory Falcon Punch Joke [F-Zero]

Faster than a Golden Fox!  More slippery than a Fire Stingray!  Diving farther than a Blue Falcon!  More inane than chasing a Wild Goose!

This week we race on into F-Zero, the futuristic game of driving hover cars around acid trip environments.  Does it cross the finish line?

Falcon pick up this download!

(04:20) What we've been up to.  Zach hasn't played a real game on the 360 for a week!  Burnout 3!
  Also, a better game than Yoshi, Yoshi's Island!

(13:30) Kenichi!  It's... cheesecake, really.  I don't know why I'm still watching it.

(14:15) E3!  New Smash, among other things.  In response to the XBox One fiasco, they've apparently done away with some of their restrictions

(17:30) We get sidetracked on Elder Scrolls for a bit.

(22:40) F-Zero!  Finally!  Pretty!(?)  The concept's not bad, but it's a bit bare.

(34:30) Goroh!

Next time on Last Time, it's Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars!  It's on the Wii and Wii U.  Pick it up!

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Episode 16: Yay Bikes [Excitebike]

It's our oldest game yet, NES launch title Excitebike.  Is a simple game about trying to beat the fastest times on a number of similar dirt bike tracks enough to hold the interest of our Podcasting heroes?  Or will they just talk about a bunch of other stuff instead?  Find out!

Yay Download Link!

(1:06) We havn't recorded an episode in over three weeks!  This leads to an extra long what we've been playing segment.

(2:00) Zach babbles about... something?  You should totally side with either Zach or Tyler in the comments at

(3:40) Tyler's gamer confession and spoilers for Final Fantasy III/VI.

(5:30) Then we add on with spoilers about Professor Layton and the Unwound Future.

(8:00) We talk a bit about esports, if watching some pro League of Legends appeals to you, here's the first game of the All Star Game.

(16:45) Simple and casual games.  What makes a game simple?  Why do we play them?

(25:40) Simple games as related to abnegation.  Also we define abnegation.

(28:30) My exciting Excitebike story.  Also the WiiU is really exciting.  This leads to a discussion about the upcoming console generation, and us bitching about the Xbox One like everyone else.

(32:00) We finally talk about Excitebike!  It only took 2/3 of the podcast.

(35:00) We mention Excitebike's sweet victory theme.  We also talk about what could have made this game better, mostly things that later racing games came up with.

(37:00) The wonderful time we live in, with all sorts of cheap videogames and how great games aren't as valuable as they used to be... basically we just complain about how awesome the time we live in is.

Next week, we return to the pretty but flighty console known as the Sega Genesis to play Comix Zone.  Same Videogames time, same videogames channel.

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