Episode 270: Night Trap

Who you going to call? That’s right, the Sega Control Attack Team! They Control Attack what Nintendon’t, and this week, that’s a bunch of weird… ninja… putty things trying to menace a bunch of 80s girls. Can they use a bunch of weird traps that Gary Gygax would find too cheesy to save the day? Or will they just get bored and go play FNAF? Tune in to find out.

Episode 214: Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle


Nobody knows the ins and outs of enchantment quite like Alex Kidd.  I believe this to be the case, anyway, since he's obviously cursed.  Join us as the haphazard hero fumbles through what will hopefully be the last installment of his series that we look at.  Venture forth into the land of inexplicably animated car-monsters and bizarrely lackluster level design; together we'll tackle the real question in the Alex Kidd universe: why did so many of these get made?

Episode 205: Alex Kidd in Shinobi World

During intense chakra training, Fi sensed a disturbance in the ninja world.  Seeing no other choice, she chose a hero from another world and bestowed upon him sweet ninja powers.  Also, she may or may not have orchestrated the abduction of that hero's girlfriend so he'd have incentive to deal with Ninja World's big bad.  That's the plot of this game, +/- 5%.  Join our not-Goku on a journey to the land of sweet ninjas, presumably laying somewhere to the west.

Hiden no justu: Daunrodo no Yari!

Show Notes

(01:30) DDM, the best monster-summoning themed game.

(02:45) Zach (and others) have been playing Xenoverse 2.

(09:00) The best border patrol is more guns.

(12:00) Geremy becomes the 400th person to recommend Kill la Kill to Tyler.

(23:00) You can watch sassy Frieza here.  We proceed to get distracted by Ultra Instinct for a while.

(30:00) Mo' ninjas.

(46:45) Alex Kidd in ranking land!

Next time on Last Time, Super Return of the Jedi!

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Episode 197: ADRIAAAN Is In Another Castle [Secret Command]

There comes a time in every actions star's career when they get to be a big enough name, that someone is bound to make a videogame based on the movie they were in.  In order to get the jump on other developers, some companies decided to just make the game, and apply licensing post-hoc.  As it happens, this tends to not make for the greatest games.  So, run through the jungle with us as definitely-not-Mr.-Stallone wades through hordes of bland and forgettable enemies to... do a thing?  Maybe aliens?

Our downloads take no prisoners.

Show Notes

(02:00) The Super… I mean, Sunman game Geremy was talking about.

(04:15) PubG… with Zmobies!

(06:30)  The new Star Guardian skins in League of Legends are Magicalgirltastic! Geremy updated his client and everything!

(11:00) Geremy tries to explain Danganronpa while realizing he’s almost completely uninformed about it! And yet he still manages to get pretty much everything right! I’d link something from it, but feel like everything is a spoiler. They're fantastic games that you should definitely go play, though.

(14:45) The Long Dark, another game Geremy fails to describe adequately.

(22:30) We talk about Dragon Ball for far longer than intended, thanks to Magical Girls.

(27:45) The Assignment, Secret Command, a.k.a Rambo

(32:45) The non-American box art to Secret Command, as compared to the Rambo box art in the US.

(37:15) Rankings Time!

Next time on Last Time, Metroid: Zero Mission!

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Episode 191: Big Hairy Feet [Fantasy Zone II]

Some times, one hit isn't enough.  You just have to do it again.  So, you take a sip of that sweet flying ship, and you're off.  Trippy landscapes and odd warp zones await you, and you can swear you have wings.  Which you do, because you're a sentient ship pod with feet.  Also, there are wood totems and weird spinny clam things to shoot, so you had best be off to do whatever it is winged/legged ships do.

The downloads of Opa Opa.

Next time on Last Time, Another World!

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Episode 188: Now Bikes Think They're Philosophizers [Enduro Racer]

Nothing is a metaphor for life quite the way racing over various obstacles within time limits is -- apparently.  Wheelie over jumps, dodge rocks, and pass other racers in your frantic attempt to make it to the finish line before there's no time left to try.  This is an experience that can only leave you thinking "Yay bikes".

Downloads are a metaphor for sound-noises.

Next time on Last Time, Golden Sun!

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Episode 178: Miracle Balls [Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars]

In somewhat ironic tribute to itself, this series may be its own lost star.  Join us in wandering a variety of planes, magical worlds, and space New York in order to rescue the constellations of the zodiac from their fates inside of mundane objects!  Dodge monorail trains and fierce lightning while trying to guess what the next enemy with the exact same design does differently from the previous one.  Miracles!

LTOVG and the lost downloads!

Show Notes

(02:00) I thought Geodude were nearly as common as Zubat, but I was very wrong.  Also, Samson vs. Samuel Oak.

(04:30) Plot power! Legit question: Why is beast-warrior a monster type?  Birbs!

(17:30) Conan's god.

(37:00) I got distracted by the cool car.

(45:30) Fan mail!  Hi, Ryan!

(47:45) Over a year later, that jump glitch bounty is still open.

(50:00) The actual "game".

(1:03:30) Ranking among the stars!

(1:08:30) The stellar decision making you've come to enjoy.

Next time on Last Time, Planescape: Torment!

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Episode 168: @#^! Off, Flipper [Ecco The Dolphin]

The dolphin: sleek, majestic, and one of the most popular animals in the mid-90s.  It's hard to think of another animal that rivaled the popularity of our aquatic mammalian friends, and that's probably the reason this game exists.  Also, extraterrestrials, because why not?  Too bad all these keys make a door.

Echolocate right over to our download.

Show Notes

(02:30) Yeah, the Genesis sure was a system, guys.

(05:30) Everyone's favorite Mega Sauyan, Gurko.

(07:10) Drifters actually looks pretty sweet, but it's obviously the same animation team as Hellsing.

(11:00) Really quickly, this is the opening we got.  The travesty!

(14:20) Yay mechs.

(17:00) Not the game we thought it was, but there are a lot of adorable rabbit people.

(19:00) There have apparently been a couple ShinTen anime.

(21:30) Talking about some things we want to see in Sun/Moon (they largely came true!).

(23:00) A better dolphin world.

(25:00) Dr. Stranger.  Also, more ridiculous doctoring.

(28:00) So, dolphin time.  This game has a really weird plot.

(41:00) Here's a speedrun.  It's more amusing than the game was intended to be.

(44:00) Pay attention to the games used as arguments for the Genesis.

(45:30) Turns out dolphins don't survive at great depths, which is where this one fell.

Next time on Last Time, Donkey Kong!  The other one.

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Episode 142: 88 Miles Per Hour [Sonic CD]

If you thought a DeLorean was an inelegant vehicle to house a time travel device, consider a pair of bright red buckle shoes.  That said, the general fashion faux pas can easily generate 1 point 21 jiggawatts of embarrassment energy, so perhaps it's actually more efficient than plutonium.  Join us on an epoch spanning adventure to stop Robotnik from... doing evil things?  Mecha Sonic's here, so at least that's neat.  Also, Amy... I guess?!

Figure 8 into a rare triple download.

Show Notes

(01:00) The laser disc being referred to was in an episode of Bebop, but apparently that show is old enough that it came out in that format.

(01:15) Not that the content is particularly interesting, but I would like the listeners to be in awe of how many changes Alpha 14 of 7DTD had.

(09:00) Speaking of non-lethal options.  Also, cheeps!  Cheeps?

(20:00) Hartler.

(33:00) You can skip Batman v. Superman if you were even considering it.

(37:00) Vampires vs. Zombies is the movie whose title we were trying to remember.

(41:00) Apparently Tien's third eye lets him see ghosts.

(45:00) Being unable to unring a bell makes a lot more sense in the context of a deleted scene.

(49:30) A bit of console history if you're interested.

(50:00) Time travel is cool, right?

(57:30) Cool bosses, bro!

(1:03:00) Back to the days of future past!

Next time on Last Time, Zoombinis!

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Episode 126: They Don't Make Axes Like They Used To [Golden Axe]

An arcade classic and early port for the Genesis, Golden Axe is considered one of the best games on the system. Hack, slash, toss potions of ultimate(-ish) power, and ride some cool lizards! Also, you can play as the sexy... dwarf! Man, that beard. Cross the hazardous landscapes of giant animals' backs with us!

You need 4 potions to use the full download.

Show Notes

(03:30) Alex shares her thoughts on New Leaf.  Kapp'n's great!  Too bad you are forced to rule these rubes.

(13:30) We did GO Bank!  Finally!

(14:30) People really whined about Crimefest this year, but a surprising number of people enjoyed it.

(18:30) Silly translations.

(22:00) Geremy talking about MGS V online.

(25:30) Deadlock.  Hint: we don't think the Genesis wins.

(26:40) Diving into Golden Axe.  We start with potions.

(28:00) Standard beat 'em up problems: enemy hitboxes are wonky (both hitting you and being hit), mobility is limited, gameplay is colorful but mechanically shallow.

(35:00) Running the ladder.

Next time on Last Time, Gley Lancer!

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Episode 124: Rister, Reister, Scheister, Meister? *shrug* [Ristar]

If Sonic's Sega's answer to Mario, then clearly Ristar is their answer to Kirby. Obviously, because they both involve stars. Give your arms a good stretch as we go traversing across a star system to combat... some evil. Also, some spinny pod things that aren't really a threat, but are apparently minions. Shake it out!

The download's ju~ust out of reach.

Show Notes

(01:00) I propose the Doctor is psychic type.

(06:30) Zach talks about Hyperdimension Neptunia: Re birth 1.

(08:30) Geremy's take on MGS V makes it sound fun.

(23:00) Now you, too, can be in on Tyler's joke.

(23:20) Poor Ristar...

(24:00) Why, Knuckles?!

(24:30) Ristar has cool climbing mechanics!  Too bad that's it.  Boring enemies, awkward hitboxes, confusing boss fights, and stale mechanics make this one pretty forgettable.  So much so, all of us forgot what game we were supposed to play!

(41:00) Slotting this into our list.

Next time on Last Time,  Super Castlevania 4!

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Episode 115: Double Sonic, No Ice Cream [Sonic 1 and 2 Master System]

Probably the worst entry to the Sonic franchise thus far is our topic this week, along with its much better "sequel".  Join us on a 90s-tastic adventure as we attempt to discern whether the Master System could actually host Sonic games.  Also, some other stuff.  Tagline drop!

Tails pirated our download.

Show Notes

(01:00) Showing that we're definitely kids of the 90s by namedropping all the shows.  So many, in fact, that I have to write a second sentence about it.

(04:00) Clearly blue is greater than gold.  Speaking of which, much death, such battle.  Wow.

(21:30) Tibia!  It's (was) a game!

(30:30) Foreshadowing...

(33:00) Sonic time!  The first one is a poor port of the first game!

(35:00) Sonic 2 is actually not terrible!

(43:00) Gotta go rankings!  Crazy Taxi is crazy.  Snoozing away is Kirby's Dreamland.  Mortal Kombat finishes things off.

Next time on Last Time, Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back!

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Episode 114: Escargot Around Every Corner [Alien Storm]

Fight some ugly nosed noble-tier aliens with us this week by... pistol whipping them!  No need to waste ammo, kids.  You'd really think a game with a Tesla Cannon would be cooler.  Because EVO, we talk hit a bunch of fighting games before hitting those aliens, and we wander around mechs for a bit.  In the end, we finally upset our ranking list a fair bit.

Like a bolt of alien lightning, our download shocks straight to the hard drive.

Show Notes

(03:00) Zero's last match at EVO this year.

(05:45) Woshige FTL.

(08:15) They Bleed Pixels!  If you like really hard platformers, this is one for you.  Also, eldritch horrors are adorable.

(12:00) Luffy can't be a thief; he's too busy punching things.

(17:15) Geremy's reactions to Metal Gear Solid 5: Ground Zeroes.

(24:55) Some sort of aliens.  It's like 3 mediocre games got smashed together!  Arguable the best portion is a side scrolling shooter, which you only get to do once as far as we could tell.

(33:40) Starting the rankings this week with Fire Emblem, followed by Xanac.  Bringing up the rear (but also really not) is Chrono Trigger!

Next time on Last Time, Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Master System!

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Episode 102: When Are We Going To Get Crazy Uber? [Crazy Taxi]

Get ready for some craaaazy fares!  Seriously, these people will pay ridiculous amounts for 30 seconds of driving.  Of course, at the speeds you're going, it'd likely take them at least 15 minutes to walk there.  So, the question become whether $50 is worth 15 minutes of their time.  Though, if they're letting these homicidal drivers take them anywhere, probably not, so... poor impulse control?

You only have 10 seconds to get to our next download!

Show Notes

(05:00) Civ V adventures!

(15:00) Reassembly!  Turns out that tactical nuke Tyler wanted exists in one of the factions.

(18:00) Into the Gloom is an ambient horror survival; it's aesthetically similar to Dare to Dream.

(19:15) Steam allows people to watch you play.  So, like Twitch, but with fewer people.

(21:00) Everyone is John sound hilariously amusing.

(27:00) After defaulting on your loans, you should Bravely Second.

(33:00) So... Crazy Taxi.  It's definitely got controls.  We proclaim it "fairly amusing".

(41:00) Back to rankings!

Next time on Last Time, Kirby's Dream Land!  Sadly, it doesn't suck.

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Episode 88: Seems More Like a Nightmare [NiGHTS into Dreams...]

Dreams are pretty cool, especially flying dreams. Sometimes, though, you get mugged before turning into a flying clown, which can suck. Usually, there'll be a giant lobster or an inflatable villain you have to pop, or sometimes you'll be fighting a giant fish with smaller fish. Dreams are weird... but sometimes a clown is just a clown.

Inserting 20 orbs causes our download to... go slightly faster!

Show Notes

(00:30) Necrotizing fasciitis: like leprosy, but way worse.

(02:00) Abobo is that one boss from Double Dragon.  I feel like I link to that episode way more than any other.  I could probably write a script to find out.

(03:30) John Wick!  Super good might be an overstatement, but it looks pretty decent based on the trailers.

(07:45) "Jigglypuff to death" is my new favorite compound verb.

(11:30) Don't Starve and Monster Meat.

(15:30) For the interested, here's Zach's Kha'Zix build.

(21:00) That mountain game.  Also, a deeper talk about Five Nights at Freddy's... from Zach!  Still seems to be a jump scare simulator, though...  What Does the Fox Say?

(25:50) Golden Freddy!

(26:30) Speaking of Damned...

(28:00) Slenderpasta.  He likes to walk behind people.

(31:00) 8-player Smash with Mewtwo!

(35:30) The crazy story of this game following Elliot and Claris helping the Nightmaren fight the evil Wizeman.

(37:45) It's hard to describe, but when we say this game isn't really 3D, we're trying to say that you have no agency over moving on one of your 3 axes.  You get full control over X and Y, but Z is left as an unexplored teaser.  Also, you get mugged at the beginning of every level.

(45:00) Bosses and telegraphing: how this game failed at it.

Next time on Last Time, Nobunaga's Ambition (the SNES one)!  Rifle's n' calvary!

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Episode 85: Faster, Faster, C'mon, Faster! [Sonic Chaos]

Gotta go fast! Like, 800 km/h! That's pretty fast, kids! Apparently, our blue erinaceomorph friend is back again with springy tiles and rocket boards to go at least that fast. Somehow, Tails can keep up with him, which is pretty impressive. Go collect those emeralds or Eggman will get the last laugh (while cursing the fact that he has to get all those raw materials for building more robots again).

Our download clocks in at Mach 1, which is only 150% the speed Sonic can go in this game.

Show Notes

(01:45) ChaCha is terrible.

(05:45) Apollo Justice is pretty great!  Related: Azran Legacy was fun.

(08:45) *POTENTIAL SPOILERS* Walking Dead time!

(19:00) *END SPOILER TIME GO!*  Now, some GoT.

(22:00) LCS tales!  Also, Various Artists is the most prolific band ever.

(26:00) Superhero TV shows.  Also, comics!

Next Time on Last Time, it's Metroid 2!

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Episode 76: "Tactics" [Gain Ground]

Some tactical training robots whose purpose is to get people to fight and reinvigorate their fighting spirit... or something... just want to watch the world burn.  Thankfully, vikings are awesome!  Also, there are a lot of fireballs, and that's always cool.

You must escort our download to the exit.

Show Notes

(01:45) Tyler's final thoughts upon beating Mega Man 3.

(05:15) Flay's pretty much.  Nothing can stop his drill!

(06:00) Don't play Mana Khemia 2.  Ulrika is soooo annoying.  Pepperoni's awesome, though.

(09:30) Payday 2 tales and the horrors of carrying bags.  While fun, the game suffers from a lack of things to do if your heist is going well silently.  Maybe some mini-game things to move things along?

(15:40) Geremy's latest Fire Emblem run.

(20:00) JesuOtaku's got some pretty good reviews on Attack on Titan.

(21:00) Minecraft adventures!

(25:00) Gain Ground is a giant evil computer controller robots and people need to fight the computer.

(29:20) It's like Broforce, but from the 80s!

Next time on Last Time, Solomon's Key!

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Episode 65: What Shoe Size Does Your Ship Have? [Fantasy Zone]

Every so often, there is a game so weird, bizarre, and nonsensical that it defies explanation. This... is not that game. While weird, Fantasy Zone is an ambitious but, lamentably, fairly predictable scrolling shooter. Let's get walking!

Just land here and walk on over to our download; it's only got a 10 second timer, though.

(01:45) Fire Emblem: Legend of the Abnormal Hair Colors!

(02:15) Japan has decidedly interesting advertising techniques.

(03:50) Mana Khemia's pretty good.  Go play it!

(06:50) Zach's Diablo II adventures.

(07:30) Geremy runs down the LCS.

(16:00) How team sponsoring works in the LCS.

(18:15) Games with Fantasy in their name have not had a great track record in this show.

(19:30) Really plays like some other games, but seems lacking.

(25:25) There are a few good ideas here, especially for the publication year.

(26:30) Non-sequitur: Blitzball!

(29:15) Weirdness overload makes this game seem rather bland.

(33:00) Why games didn't use to have tutorials: they were very simple.

(33:40) Tutorial levels.

Next time on Last Time, Street Fighter II!

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Episode 57: The Raaage of the Streets! [Streets of Rage]

Like all good government employees in videogame worlds, when the streets are nothing but death and crime, they quit their day jobs and take vigilante justice to the streets.  Unfortunately, they left their weapons at home, even though the backup is apparently authorized to use napalm bazookas.  Let's fight it out!

You only get one download per life.  Thankfully, you usually respawn once a day.

(00:45) We may have collectively been watching a lot of anime recently.

(06:00) Because we don't have enough cheesecake.

(07:30) The origins of Thor!

(11:00) Arguments: invalidated.

(12:30) All the things!

(17:50) Speaking of multiplayer only games.

(21:30) Batman's musical endeavors.

(23:30) While trying to find news about actual AoT games, I found this.  It's good.  Play it.

(25:30) Game design: make every 10 seconds enjoyable.

(26:00) Geremy laments ACIV

(29:00) Try typing zerg rush into Google.

(33:30) As it happens, Streets of Rage is a brawler.  You can move in a vaguely 3D plane, hit people, throw people, and be hit by people.  Also, TARDIS turkey!

(40:00) The biggest brawler sin: lack of character advancement.

Next time on Last Time, Vigilante 8!

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